Five of Us Riding Nowhere: Something is rotten in the state of Denmark

It’s really wet in Scandinavia. That may be why everyone’s feet smell so rotten. Vikings were undoubtedly quite stinky too.

Before leaving Denmark, we squeezed in a trip to Helsingør. The castle at the tip of Denmark was the setting for Hamlet. Shakespeare never saw it. I’m about to have a high schooler who will now be that fact-checking kid who ruins English class. Was Shakespeare even the real author?

There’s also a great Maritime Museum, complete with a brilliant trade route activity that teaches you the fundamentals of global trade in the 18th century. The kids were squealing about how to get the best price on tea, sugar, and dyewood. I’m sad to say they were doing the same about the price of brandy and slaves, but at least they were excited about learning economics and history on vacation. I’m also sad to say that having an MBA does no good in high-seas trading.

The kids have always wanted to take a cruise, so that was our travel method from Copenhagen to Oslo through the night. Turns out, it’s a cheap cruise because it’s also the booze cruise for Danes who want to sit in their cabin listening to punk rock and yelling at each other all night while banging on the walls.

We did, however, enjoy the couple who agonized over taking a picture on deck. The wife wanted a special pose of their hands together over their heads like a bridge - a bridge to their forever love. It was so endearing, until he couldn’t really figure out his camera-holding contraption and fiddled with it for 10 minutes before each attempt while she became increasingly impatient. And no one noticed his flimsy little tripod, and frequently walked in front of it while they were mid-pose. I’m pretty sure she wanted a divorce by the end of it.