Dances with Pancakes

In Dances with Wolves, the scene where Kevin Costner’s character receives his orders was filmed in South Dakota and the set has been moved right outside Rapid City. Today, it serves all-you-can-eat pancakes for $0.99, Kevin Costner not included. Being one to never pass up a bargain and knowing that our kids eat a lot of pancakes, Jess made sure we capitalized on this deal. She earned her Sioux name today, Dances with Pancakes.

The pancakes were great. I’m glad I paid for that. I could have played two songs at the creepy monkey at Wall Drug or stuffed my face with as many pancakes as possible. I chose wisely.

Next door is the room from the movie. It’s still exactly as it was in the movie. Except it has a cardboard cutout of Kevin Costner. And a TV looping that scene from the movie. And people in shorts walking through with cameras. And a cheesy gift shop with nothing related to the movie one room over. Other than that, it’s just like you’re standing in the movie.

We’ve had our fill of tourist traps, and decided to skip one of the remaining items on our list: Cosmos Mystery Area. I think it either has something to do with Cosmo Kramer’s apartment or is a weird cabin built on a hill full of hokey optical illusions - either way, quite likely a complete waste of time.

Instead we passed through Deadwood. If you’re old and like gambling, this place is for you. We’re not and we don’t, so we let our kids play in the park for a few hours, then found a brewery and drank beer. Like in Germany, our kids played with their fine European Stecki toys and all was right with the world.

All Lost in the Supermarket

Wall Drug is a fascinating case study in marketing and self-promotion. In the middle of nowhere, the store needed to find a way to survive during the Great Depression. Offering free ice water was the bait to get tired and thirsty travelers to stop in. It grew into so much more and billboards sprang up for miles in every direction (including this one in Afghanistan)

It’s now an epic tourist trap, full of meandering aisles of nonsense. I can no longer shop happily. I’m glad I didn't pay for that.

Dinosaur Park in Rapid City was also on the list of attractions due to its massive billboard promising dinosaur delight. Frames made of re-bar covered in concrete and painted to loosely resemble creatures of the Jurassic period are placed on a hill above the city. I’m glad I didn't pay for that.

The best part of Wall Drug is that it’s near the entrance to the Badlands. This national treasure is worth every cent. I'm glad I paid for that.

You're a big fine dino, why don't you back that tail up?

This giant monkey wobbles every which way but loose while singing for you at Wall Drug. $0.50 per song, I suggest doing what I did - wait for the silly tourist in front of you to pay so you can see the look on their face.

Stunning

Wow

Biker Gang Scouts!

For Father’s Day this year, the kids bought me the complete series of Knight Rider. In the episode “Good Day at White Rock,” Michael Knight fights a tough group of bikers. Having seen this, the kids were scared of every biker. This year’s adventure took us to South Dakota where bikers are everywhere, and they all look tough to the kids.

The first group we saw was a shock. With fear in his voice, John asked, “Is that a biker gang?” There were three of them riding together, bandanas flapping, scowls scowling, ponytails billowing. “Oh, they’re just scouts.” Biker scouts ride ahead to see if you’re scared. If you are, the rest of the gang comes to destroy your town. Don’t blink when they ride by, and whatever you do, don’t look scared.

There are presidents everywhere: carved into rocks, sculpted in metal on the streets, and molded in wax. Some are better than others.

There’s wildlife everywhere: outside our room, on the side of the street, in small cages, and in large cages. Some are better than others.

Abraham Lincoln: A high five dollar bill

Jimmy Carter: A high five with a fine Democrat on the side of the road.

John Adams sitting on the job: Wax, and not worth five dollars to see

Horses right outside our door at Double Diamond Ranch

Gator or croc? Who cares, it's not outside our door.

Bear. Also, not outside our door.

Another fine Democrat on the side of the road.