Church of the grateful dead

Before leaving Milan, and Italy, there was one more sight we needed to see: the church of San Bernardino alla Ossa. Apparently, in the 1200s they took the bones from the cemetary and put them in a storage room. When a church was built, someone had the brilliant idea to put those bones to better use to decorate a chapel. Hundreds of them. Completely creeping out the place.

Why anyone thought this was a good idea for anything other than a set in a Tim Burton movie is beyond me, but it is one of the most interesting churches we've ever seen.

Ready to worship? Yeah, me neither...

Uh, wasn't this in Goonies?

The scale is quite grand, and quite creepy

Mind Games

Traveling with three kids means that we can't spend all day every day looking at landmark churches and art museums. If you're under the age of 10, those all look exactly the same and are boring. And I have to admit, after having now spent three months traveling through eight countries in Europe over these trips, I'm beginning to feel the same way.

The focus in Milan has been to push the barriers and find the more unusual sights. We ended up finding a few mind games.

The first was a phenomenal 15th century optical illusion at the Church of Santa Maria presto San Satiro. The goal for churches at this time was to make them as big and grand as possible, so when a street keeps you from extending your church as far as you want, you fake it. From the back, the apse appears to extend deeply behind the altar. Get closer, not so much, thanks to the work of Donato Bramante.

Walking past the Italian stock exchange, the Borsa, is also a real treat. Here, a giant middle finger is raised proudly for all who dare venture nearby, thanks to the work of Maurizio Cattelan. The bull on Wall Street looks silly in comparison, New York is not this gritty. Gordon Gecko would want a copy for his office.

Along the Navigli canals, there's a church façade that looks like it’s one thousand years old. Turns out, they just ran out of money and never finished it. It was built in the early 20th century (still old by American standards) and looks a lot like a neighborhood church. It's fun watching the faces on all who walk past trying to figure out why there aren't more crowds at this ancient church and wondering if they should step in.

The street performers also levitate here (not my picture, but here's what it looks like). I think they're powered by Euros in a hat and/or mystical thoughts. Or, simple physics and a sturdy frame. Thanks, James Randi, for reminding us that a little deduction and logic go a long way from being dazzled and bamboozled out of our hard earned money for a little chicanery, like all who walk past.

Milan is a big, European city. See the major sights, or keep on playing those mind games together.

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Look how long this church is, it looked so much smaller on the outside! I can't believe that little blue police box is so big on the inside either.

Forced perspective is a clever trick when you don't want to appear to be out of space. Perhaps a painting idea for your house

The Borsa, looking polite  

Outside the Borsa, I think telling you what to do with your complaints about capitalism 

Whoa, how old is this church!?

Oh, not very old at all...

Burnt Siena (when you gotta go...)

Siena is truly a jewel of Italy, perched high on a hill that captures medieval Europe perfectly. From the train station, the greeting by the town is interesting, going up a series of escalators (appropriately, just past a shopping mall a la Icelandair’s welcome to Reykjavik). A jig and a jog from there put you inside the city walls and you're instantly taken back to the 14th century.

The main piazza, Il Campo, is described by the great Rick Steves as the only piazza where people lay out like a beach. We scoffed at this and said “we've seen others with people laying out like that.” And then we saw Il Campo and realized he's right, it’s different.

The color of the piazza inspired the name for the crayon and that interesting color that Bob Ross always used, burnt sienna.

Besides the gorgeous Duomo, the city also has the Church of San Domenico, where Catherine, the devout future saint, experienced a stigmata. The kids have been mostly alert for dog poop on the sidewalks in Italy, and on the walk up the long steps someone called out a rather large pile. This one seemed different though, with tissue wadded on it. Weird.

There was a public restroom right outside, which we've gotten quite good at finding in traveling with three kids. Somehow they only have to go when we're about 10 minutes away from the last one, and it’s always urgent then (but never when it’s actually convenient).

And then we saw a Chinese tourist taking a dump in the bushes on the way to the train station (two feet from the sidewalk, five feet from a really busy street, completely without shame). Jess saw it first and acted immediately and quickly diverted the kids’ attention – “trust me, you DO NOT want to see this!” Maybe it was her knowledge of the French peeing in the streets. Apparently this is a big problem for tourist sites around the world and the Chinese government has realized they're becoming an embarrassment for this behavior. He was 200 yards from a toilet, but when you gotta go...

It should also be noted that the regional Italian trains still use the drop chute technology that dumps right on the tracks. The environmental impact is mitigated by the speed of the trains and the fact that they suggest you don't poop when the train is stopped, because you know that's gross. Yup.

Like a beach painted by Bob Ross in burnt sienna

Escalators! Oooh, can we ride on the escalators!? 

A cathedral so beautiful it could stop your heart

No, really - a defibrillator was right behind me while taking the previous picture

You should not feel ok with using these stairs as a bathroom 

Punch me in the face, a real Ferrari!

We have a car enthusiast on this trip. Daniel has over 300 Matchbox/Hot Wheels cars in his collection. He also recites facts about every car ever made. Maybe a car obsession is more accurate, but regardless, this kid is sure to make a mark on the automotive industry. Being right down the road from where so many amazing cars were born (Lamborghini and Maserati are just a couple of the others nearby), we had to make time for another car visit.

Modena is where some kid named Enzo Ferrari got his start in racing. The home he grew up in is now an over-priced, overrated excuse to ogle over some of the most amazing vehicles ever made. There was a focus on Ferraris in TV and movies, including the one driven by everyone’s favorite mustache in Magnum PI. Unfortunately, there is really very little focus on telling about the company, their history, or really providing much info about the cars.

Daniel was excited about the gift shop, but that was also a rather lame excuse to take your money and there was not a single die-cast car in sight. Daniel felt slighted, and would rather provide his future car prowess services to BMW rather than Ferrari when he is a world-famous car designer.

The day briefly got better in seeing that the duomo in Modena also leans, but there really aren't any tourists who care. There's a cheesy Italian version of a 50’s diner right down the road that sells great burgers, and is a nice change of pace from pasta.

Then we got punched in the face again when we walked to an exhibit of 80s toys, only to find it was closed that day. We took the kids to a park to play instead, but instead they got hurt and suffered from allergies.

Earlier in the trip, John left behind his water bottle. Somewhere along the way today, he also left behind his Washington Capitals hoodie, ending our streak of random strangers yelling “go Caps!” at him all over the world. I think that's a bad sign for the Caps – and our final punch.

Not our best day, but one we’ll supposedly laugh about some day.

Only 499 of the LaFerrari were made, worth $1 million each. A couple of kids giving it a look, mildly impressed. "So...where's the gift shop?"

The Ferrari Testarossa captured my imagination as a kid. This is the business end of one of those beauties.  

From Magnum PI, imagine a mustache sitting in it

In case you have no imagination, have never seen a mustache like this, or weren't alive in the 80s

Yes, that's leaning - but who cares, where's Ferrari!?

Daniel hasn't realized the headquarters for Maserati is right in front of him. John has his hoodie in a safe place (for now)

Parking our kids 

You wanna Pisa pizza?

You know why Pisa is famous, Thousands of tourists unload from the trains, Rick Steves guidebooks firmly in hand, and hustle straight for the tower. After being jostled in the crowd, we took the road less traveled by, and that made all the difference.

Pisa is really a pleasant and interesting town. Galileo, the maverick of the science community in the 16th Century, was a professor at the university. All his student’s grades dropped, and he was able to prove that they fell at the same rate regardless of their mass. Something to do with gravity. We learned all about it at the Galileo Museum, but who can keep track of all those little details? Anyway, Andrea Bocelli also went to law school in Pisa, then it was Time to Say Goodbye.

After a leisurely stroll through town without tourists, we arrived at the Tower, which is really a bell tower for a beautiful cathedral, but who cares about that stuff? Did you see that it leans!? The crowd of tourists all want to show off their ability to take funny selfies showing that they understand perspective, like holding up the tower or pushing it down. Strangely enough, the entire world finds this really funny, from Japan to Russia to Colorado.

Once we broke free of those shenanigans and the pack of thirty aggressive men selling selfie sticks, we made it to the real reason we came: to have a Pisa pizza. The hordes of tourists, surprisingly, did not find the same humor in this.

"I know, let me hold my hand like this! No one has ever done it like that before!"

Cotton Candy Bear wanted to show a bit more of the cathedral in his selfie. Note, he doesn't yet understand perspective.

We got in on the fun too. I bet no one has held up the tower in an ussie before

My favorite part of this one is that it looks like it's standing upright. But she's about to push it over. Perspective...

May the peace of this piece of Pisa pizza be with you - say it out loud, you'll thank me

She blinded me with science

Florence has some amazing tributes to the Renaissance men that walked these streets in their smarty pants and changed the world with their math, science, and art. While getting to them, we saw a few Medieval men peddling beads and selfie sticks who clearly didn't hear the news that we’re supposed to be civilized now.

The Galileo museum is stuffed full of the tools that set the stage for the scientific revolution. Galileo also gave everyone the finger. Really, some of his actual fingers are on display. I thought this quite summed him up:

“Philosophy is written in this grand book, the universe, which stands continually open to our gaze. But the book cannot not be understood without first learning to comprehend the language and read the letters in which it is composed. It is written in the language of mathematics, and its characters are triangles, circles and other geometric figures, without which it is impossible to humanly understand a single word of it.”

There's also a museum where our kids could get their hands on some of Leonardo da Vinci’s inventions and practice their backwards and upside down writing in a mirror. They've tried to pass off some schoolwork that appears to have been written the same way.

Playing outside Galileo's museum with a huge sundial in the background 

The finger, appropriately flipped

A pulley system that makes it easy for a 4-year old to haul heavy stuff - we need to install one of these

You have to make a goofy face when making a Renaissance bridge from logs 

I wanna touch it! Why can't I touch this one!?

Peter, Paul and Mary

The Vatican and Pantheon provided the backdrop for discussions about Peter, Paul and Mary. It should be noted that John, Daniel and Dinah know nothing about Peter, Paul and Mary the folk group. They do know something about the apostles and mother of Jesus.

St. Peter’s Basilica is arguably the grandest church in the world. According to tradition, it is built on the exact spot that Peter was crucified – upside down because he felt he was not worthy to be crucified in the same way as Jesus. If that's not a big enough deal, that Charlemagne guy was crowned there in the year 800.

While we’re on the topic of the Vatican, it should be noted that seeing Michaelangelo’s work in the Sistine Chapel in person should be on everyone’s list to do. Absolutely stunning. Raphael was no slouch either. John saw it all while fittingly wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt.

Paul was imprisoned right down the road from the Colosseum and Forum in the Mamertine, which is where he is said to have wrote 2 Timothy.

The Pantheon, built in the 2nd Century, was rededicated as a church to Mary and the martyrs in the 7th Century and rounds out the Peter, Paul and Mary journey through Rome.

Completely unrelated, we’re staying right next to the Parco degli Acquedotti. The engineering of Roman acqueducts is amazing, especially considering these were built in the 1st Century. This park was also in the opening scene of the Fellini movie, La Dolce Vita. If you haven't seen the movie, you should at least watch that scene here.

We also discovered that groups of Italians say “cheese” to get everyone to smile for photos, apparently because saying “formaggio” doesn't quite have the same effect.

So much to look at in this hallway!

Look at the shirt on the guy with the shield, or is that skin? I'm confused by this Raphael

Wait a second, where's Donatello and Leonardo?? 

How it ended for Paul  

A few things have happened in St. Peter's

Spanish Steps, under renovation but still crowded anyway - file under Unappealing Photos of Famous Places 

The Pantheon 

I'd be more impressed with a nap about now

When in Rome…go to the “Pepsi Center of Death” and eat hamburgers

We had some grumpy kids today. Leaving Napoli to Roma by train this morning didn't seem to help. And apparently they’ve already had their fill of pizza and pasta, which is not good given that we have about three weeks left in Italy. After feeding them more pasta, we promised to find them hamburgers after they traipsed around more ruined stuff for miles and miles (with really no idea how we'd deliver on that).

The Forum, where that Julius Caesar guy walked around and was killed by his so-called friends, and the Colosseum were our first stops. You can touch because they're already ruined (though I think the Colosseum is in better shape than Oakland’s). John quickly saw the comparison to the arena he's familiar with, though the sport had a bit more consequence, and dubbed it the Pepsi Center of Death.

On the way to Trevi Fountain, like a gift of manna from God, there's a hamburger place with craft beer right outside the Metro. Nothing satisfies an American family more – promises made, promises kept.

An ussie at a famous place

Daniel is delivering a public service announcement about bears with his shirt

Perfect lighting for the photo - another postcard 

"The bathrooms are clean, he's wearing a tie!" - overheard from a Brit outside the water closet 

"Thank God for hamburgers!" 

You can get an amazing photo of Trevi Fountain if you're tall and aggressive. But here's what it really looks like - file under Unappealing Photos of Famous Places